What do you do when there’s nothing left to try? What do you ask when there’s nothing left to ask? What do you pray when you’ve prayed everything there is to pray? That’s what this year has been for me. My eyes have never met thousands of tears like I have this year. My heart has never met such discouragement as I’ve had to face this year.

Dry spells of creative blocks have hindered me from the things I love to do, the things that make me, me. Trials and warfare unlike any other at such a heavy capacity have held me back from even dreaming again.

Is life supposed to be like this? Was this all a mistake? Did I really hear from You, God? Surely, this is not what You meant for me? I thought You said Your plans for me were good. I thought this year was going to be my breakthrough.

In many ways, You have answered prayers. In others, I never felt farther from You. I never heard such silence. And yet, in the darkest of times, Your love finally came through. The moment doesn’t last long. But when it comes, I just ride the moment because it’s what I need most.

Here is to my questions that have yet to be answered. Here is to my pain that has yet to be healed. Here is to the torment that has left me crippled. Here is to Your grace that I cry for everyday.

Come meet me in the morning. Come meet me in the night. Come meet me at the most unexpected times. There has never been a year I’ve needed You more to make it through the hour, the night, and the next day.

Heavy, I feel so heavy. You lift my load. But then another burden throws itself on me. I move past one trial into the next like clockwork. When will it end? When will this season pass? What do You have for me? Surely, I ask, please don’t make me endure another year like this.

I need you. All there is left to do, ask, and pray for is a wave of Your grace, believing that it alone is what is sustaining me this year.